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If the abusive person can pretend to not understand, then he or she has more power to manipulate the other.Sometimes the draining behavior may go beyond this where they become argumentative or hurtful.As a psychiatrist, I help my patients address these behaviors with their mates in a tactful, loving way to find positive solutions.Just being around the person is a mentally and/or emotionally draining experience.You may be perfectly fine going about your day, but after five minute with this person everything just seems to start going downhill.Yet, somehow I did break out of the invisible cage my first wife had built around me even though it was the hardest thing I've ever done.